| Author | Message | ||
| Susan (Builder) New member Username: Builder Post Number: 1051 Registered: 5-2003 |
I recently read articles on Ms Lori’s site supporting the notion that women are (or should be considered as) “goddesses” in relationships with chaste males; some chaste men even feel this view should be universal. Naturally a chaste male with a female key-holder, especially if she a wife or girlfriend, would become more attentive and deferential towards her; but do female key-holders really want that kind of slavish devotion? In contrast - I know of instances where men really want kind of relationship with their prospective key-holder; and it turns the woman against the whole idea. How do others feel about this notion? | ||
| cbshackle (Cbshackle)
New member Username: Cbshackle Post Number: 42 Registered: 6-2001 |
As a male locked sub, I can tell you how my wife/mistress feels about it. She likes me to be attentive, but at the same time I shouldn't be needy. That just becomes annoying to her. When I first introduced the ideal of Chastity to her, and we first tried it, she first loved the the attentiveness. But soon became annoyed that (in her mindset) I was only being attentive to her while locked up and only because I was locked up and NOT because I loved her. This was not the reality of the situation, but it is what she started to perceive. She thought that I should be that attentive with or without the belt. Once she got the ideal that I wanted to be locked up and wanted to be more attentive from being locked up then the reality that I want to be attentive to her in any way I could did set in. This took time and patience and her realization that I gave her this gift and there was a total trust between us. If I didn't truely love her or commit to her I would have not handed over the keys to my chastity. The similarities of being a keyholder/wearer and being in a D/S relationship hold true. Our relationship does have a strong D/S element in it, but it's not the strongest part. We are soul mates, best friends, partners and then M/S. I would say our D/S is 24/7, (although it's close to that when at home together alone.) There are days when (even while wearing a CB) we are equals and once in the blue moon we switch. (But I stay belted.) The most important thing between a Master(Mistress)/Slave and a KH/Wearer is open communication. It's the single most critical element in the relationship. Therefor it's important to understand not only the boundaries of the wearer, but the boundaries on the KH. The last thing any wearer wants is a reluctant KH. If the wearer become annoying to the KH, then the KH is destine to become a reluctant one. | ||
| Susan (Builder) New member Username: Builder Post Number: 1053 Registered: 5-2003 |
Thanks Cbshackle, you make an important point. A newly locked male can be seriously over attentive, which should be expected and enjoyed by the key-holder; but permanent constant unwanted attention is irritating and will drive any key-holder crazy. Your locked situation should serve her needs quietly; let her notice it when she wants to and enjoy it, it's better for both of you. The last thing you want is a reluctant Key-holder. Would you say that you gradually achieved this over time, or did you talk about it together a lot and find a balance that way? If so who initiated that process? | ||
| cbshackle (Cbshackle)
New member Username: Cbshackle Post Number: 43 Registered: 6-2001 |
I had initiated the process of wanting to be kept locked up. She quickly understood the power exchange involved and really like that aspect of it. There were of course a lot of concerns and we talked about it for a while. So there was (and still is) a lot of communication first, but there was still some time needed to find that balance. Just like when you first start experiencing the scene, it's best to take a few days break from the initial experience and really think things through. This is important for both sides. There are real life issues to deal with and it's important to discuss those. Things like what if in an accident, emergency keys, kids (if applicable), family and friends. We still fine tune that balance till this day as we (as human beings) change all the time. I've been wearing for over 8 years now and my wife/mistress and I couldn't imagine it any other way. This certainly will probably never change. Our communication can happen while belted even, but it's probably best in the beginning to have these talks while not belted since in the beginning of being belted, your in subspace so much. | ||
| Susan (Builder) New member Username: Builder Post Number: 1054 Registered: 5-2003 |
Dear CB shackle: Clearly you have a lot of experience and time in this topic. Talking through the practical issues and planning how to deal with potential problems shows you take it seriously. We have had some problems with one of our CBs recently and I should have dealt with it more promptly, so I understand the need to plan for wearing one in depth. I suppose I still find the “Goddess concept” in a chastity relationship a bit unrealistic. That is more the underling fantasy that adds spice to it, especially in the beginning. I think making chastity by device work in a relationship requires a more balanced approach, even if you use the Goddess concept to make the process more fun for both of you. Could either, or both of you, say more about the process of male chastity, its effects and its place in your day-to-day lives. How deeply does it shape your mutual relationship today? Do you see it as a separate element, or an integral and major part of your life together? Thanks Susan | ||
| cbshackle (Cbshackle)
New member Username: Cbshackle Post Number: 44 Registered: 6-2001 |
Susan, You are correct in that a balance must be made. The "Goddess Concept" can be seen as fantasy, but I believe it can be worked into a real relationship. For most people it obviously can't be 24/7 since everyday life gets in the way. Aspects of it can be incorporated into everyday life. My wife/mistress likes her french vanilla tea in the mornings. I automatically make it without her even asking. I would still do this without the D/S part because it's something that I do for her. It's a way for me to say "I love and care for you." The D/S and Goddess part does add some spice to that task and certainly makes it more fun for both of us. This brings an interesting point about wearing the belt. It's true that wearing the belt makes me more attentive to her needs and certainly changes my focus. I still would be hers and would not cheat even if I didn't wear the belt. However the belt is something that I don't forget and is always a reminder. To us, the chastity belt is an extension of my wedding ring. That's probably the best way to describe how it fits into everyday life. Sometimes I do have to take it off, if I'm going to a courtroom (I have a sister that is in trouble with the law all the time.) or if I'm doing Yoga, my wife/mistress will allow me out. It's no different than if I have to take off my wedding ring if I want to hit a few rounds at a punching bag in the gym. However, the belt certainly is a part of me and I feel funny without it, just like I would feel strange without my wedding ring on. If fact I would say that I feel naked without the belt on. It is just part of me. I never forget I wear it, but I do forget about situations where I need to take it off because I'm just used to it. One time I was wearing the belt and had to visit a customer in the Empire State Building. It was a last minute thing and I thought I was going to have to do some explaining. The metal detector went off and I started to say something but the guard (who didn't speak much English) just waved me on. (I guess I have an innocent looking face.) BTW, I would not have tried this at an airport nor the tourist section of the Empire State Building. Emergencies do happen and I do have an sealed emergency key. My new My-Steel belt that I should be getting in a few weeks has the lock-in-key system so that an emergency key is built into the belt, but has a tamper tag (like the plastic locks on the CBxK) for the hidden key. I've been in one car accident while belted and I was not injured, but I could had easily been if the circumstances had been different. I'm not worried about being discovered if in an accident, you never know, the belt could even protect me some in an accident (no scientific data on this one). I just want to make sure that if the belt needs to be removed, it can in an emergency. Or if a situation like the Empire State Building comes up, I can call my wife/mistress and ask permission to use the emergency key. (Sometimes humiliation can be fun, but should never be dangerous.) So you could definitely say that the belt is an integral part of our lives. There are evenings when we are close that she wants me unbelted, but if we are apart, I'm always belted and I like it that way. If I have to work late, I don't have to worry about her wondering whether I'm faithful or not. I suppose you could say that the belt is also a security blanket for us both. (An extra insurance policy is another way of looking at it.) Other times I feel like the man in steel, invulnerable to women hitting on me and trying to steal me away. (My wife/mistress really likes that one!) The other part of wearing of course is being denied sexual release. But for me (after some time in the belt) I would say that the belt does NOT prevent sexual release, it just prolongs it over a longer period of time. The excitement and thrill of being locked up is in a way a sexual release. "Delightfully Frustrated" as I often put it. I enjoy being kept on tap and always ready for duty  After being denied for a while, giving oral sex while locked up is mind blowing experience. The odd thing is that it starts to satisfy my sexual urges. This being that my sexual pleasure comes from wearing the belt, being denied and ultimately, satisfying her. It is subspace that creates this feeling, but somehow over time it starts to filter into everyday reality. That's not to say I wantt to give up orgasms for me, but being denied certainly enhance what few orgasms I get. Given the choice I prefer quality over quantity in orgasms. Most vanilla people believe that sex is the orgasm itself, but they are wrong. It's so much more, its a cerebral experience where an orgasm is not always required. (This could be said for BDSM in general.) -cbshackle | ||
| Leonard Boyd (Leonard80) New member Username: Leonard80 Post Number: 2 Registered: 12-2005 |
I call my owner a number of pronouns besides the formal name which she asks me to address her by. I like calling her my queen. I like to think in theory that I would do anything she commanded, but she knows not to overdo it or ruin my life (because then she would be without a pet, wouldn't she?) It's hard to know if I would do something really crazy that would destroy my life or possibly get me maimed (besides my various scars). I sometimes imagine that one day I become so used to obeying her unquestioningly (because of the strong trust that's built up) that she does order me to do something quite outrageous and I follow through not knowing any other course of action. Being a staunch atheist, I don't call her goddess. She's a (moderate) Christian so I don't think that she would feel comfortable being likened to a deity anyway. |